Have you ever had a day when you sit and stare at a computer screen or your phone screen willing something to happen so you have direction?

That was today.

I was scheduled to be in court in the morning and I was quite proud of my ability to be out of bed and ready for the commute by 7:15 am. This is something that never happens.The snooze button is hit so often it could file battery charges. The commute went smoothly, as well. I arrived at the courthouse and after a few attempts found the right place to go for my morning hearing. Met with opposing counsel. Was surprisingly quick-witted and decisive in our discussions then went downstairs to watch a trial. The day continued with no major mishaps or bumps… my co-worker’s car was towed from the lot we received tags to park in – yet, even that was quickly resolved.

Honestly, as I’m typing. I’m realizing today was not a bad day. It was a smooth, major-error-free day. Nonetheless, I’ve felt as though I’ve hit a wall. My energy level plummeted when I returned to the office. I managed to return all the emails I had been sent in my absence, made a few phone calls, and completed research assignments. Yet, something was off. I kept looking at my to-do list and thinking of how many things were on it and there was no way everything was going to get done. Some of the items can’t even be started until other paperwork comes through and why start it if I am only going to be able to get a quarter of the way through it before having to stop and wait until all the paperwork arrives? I wanted a clear-cut assignment. I didn’t want anymore work piled on, I just wanted direction.

I’m a self-starter. typically. I start things by myself a lot. Yet… the overwhelm got to me today in the deceptive calm of the day. My cheerfulness was at a high but I felt myself staring past people when looking at them. My eyes were glazing over, I could tell… they could probably tell. I tried to stop it and reel in my attention  – sometimes my mind decides to do what it wants, though. Today was one of those days.

Tomorrow will be productive. No courtroom for me. I’ll be a drafting machine.

No more dazed robot.

Gotta fake it ’til you make it, right?